Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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