i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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