I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
