if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think my moral compass just broke
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