Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
