was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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