the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
