So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
