U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
