Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize