I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
