Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize