I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
