We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize