I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
