My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
