I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
