Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
