but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
