I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
