This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
