you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Do vagina's smell?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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