Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
no, he came in my armpit
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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