happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
