I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
