Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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