As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
