he wants to bone in the snuggie
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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