Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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