Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
