I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize