i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
