dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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