I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
