if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
