Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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