The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
40s are totally the cure
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
