i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
