I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize