i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
