I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
