Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
