So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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