I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
third nipple confirmed
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
