I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
