I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
