ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize