if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
