Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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