well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize