if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
