do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
