I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
