Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
