I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
