I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
