Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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