btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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