you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We have started to decorate penises.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
