i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
