Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
