bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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