Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
