kristin has been a bad kristin
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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